I’m serious. These days I have literally been squatting with a tiny head and two arms in my crotch. Baby Hines has been head down since about 26 weeks. I am now just about 37 weeks. Just like my little man to plan ahead and be prepared well ahead of time:) I like his style. Specifically, he is in LOA position. This stands for Left-Occiput-Anterior. It means that the bulk of his body is on my left, by my hip. His occiput (or back of his head) is facing towards the front of my stomach/crotch. It is a good birthing position. During my appointment 2 weeks ago, the midwives noted that he was in ROP (Right-Occiput-Posterior) position. This is also an ok position for vaginal birth, but would probably give me a lot of back labor/pain. It’s best if his spine isn’t lined up right with mine. I have spent a lot of time on my hands and knees in the last 2 weeks willing him to spin around and change positions. I have no idea if this contributed to his turning or was just coincidence and he would’ve turned anyway on his own. I like to believe that I had something to do with it though.
The strangest thing is when Baby Hines has the hiccups. Have you ever done a heavy overhead squat with your crotch jumping up and down from hiccups? Now that’s an experience. Talk about putting all your energy into focusing on what you’re doing. I see it as an added challenge. I tell myself, “Imagine how easy these will be after pregnancy when I don’t also have to think about what my crotch is doing while trying to balance 65+ pounds overhead”. My baby has the hiccups A LOT. They say this is him practicing his swallowing and working on maturing his lungs for the outside world. It’s really hard to keep a straight face when having a discussion with someone when my crotch starts jumping up and down. At home with my husband, and around friends, I usually have to announce it. It’s like a compulsion. I have to let people know that in that very ordinary, mundane, moment, all I can think about is how distracting it is that way down there I am bouncing in a rhythmic pattern. The other movements are pretty distracting and sometimes painful or very uncomfortable, but the hiccups are definitely the oddest sensation.
Since entering the last month of this journey, I now feel a lot more pubic bone pressure as well. It’s usually fine once i get up and moving, but I have to get up slowly and work it out first. It almost feels like a constant pubic bone bruise. That little head is getting heavier and heavier each week as well as lower down into my pelvis. Yesterday it was estimated that he weighs somewhere between 5.75-6 pounds. Which leaves me wondering (about 30x a day), do I have to pee? I don’t know. It’s possible, it’s been about an hour.
But do I want to risk another trip to the bathroom, getting the pants down over my bell, sitting and standing, and the long walk back, for a false alarm? I never know for sure if I actually have to pee. Except in very obvious, dire, conditions of course. It’s not like a UTI feeling. My body just literally can’t interpret in my brain if there is actual urine in my bladder or if it’s just the pressure from the head. THE rudest thing that Baby Hines does to me is punch or head butt my bladder when it’s very full. This causes me to squeeze my sphincters suddenly and lurch forward in case actual pee were to escape without my consent. Rude, rude, stuff. I’ll forgive him, eventually. In the meantime, don’t mind me if I suddenly have word vomit and simply must tell you that, “Hey it’s cool that your dog did that silly thing earlier today and that new coffee shop down the road has great customer service, butttt,,,,my crotch is hiccuping!!”